Brussels Sprouts Are My Spirit Vegetable

Somewhere in there are five very
tiny mushroom pieces and sixteen
fragments of onion. Their unclean
foulness must be rooted out (get it??)
and expelled from the plate!

Well, not according to the Internet. According to four highly authoritative Internet quizzes, my spirit vegetable is the pumpkin, mushroom, cucumber, or broccoli, which proves that either I have multiple spirit vegetable disorder, to the extent that is a thing, or that Internet quizzes may lack validity (!!!!). It is true that I love mushrooms and will attempt to sneak them into any dish. The children, who pretty much universally hate mushrooms, have been trained through years of experience to spot chopped mushrooms and push them to the sides of their plates. Frankly, since it took me five years to get get them to stop flinging the mushrooms onto the table and merely push them to the side, I'm sort of okay with that. Plus, I get extra mushrooms, thoughtfully piled up for easy collection.

They say Jack-o-lantern, or in this case, possibly
Weird Earless Cat-o-lantern. I say Pumpkin Seed Storage Container. Everybody wins.

I also like cucumbers and broccoli, in moderation, but that's as far as it goes. I am not a fan of pumpkin-flavored things, which is unfortunate in the fall, when everything from coffee creamer to salad dressing is pumpkin. I do, however, love pumpkin seeds. In fact, I buy the pumpkin at Halloween mainly to roast its seeds; the carving is just a sort of ritual that entertains the kids while I clean and roast pumpkin seeds.

No, lying Internet quizzes aside, my real spirit vegetable is the Brussels sprout. I never had Brussels sprouts growing up, because it is one of the few vegetables my mother doesn't care for. I didn't try them as an adult until a few years ago because (a) they have a reputation of being that one vegetable that nobody likes, the IRS audit of vegetables, and (b) they look like something a troll hacks up after a bad cold or the pilling on the particularly ugly sweater of a giant.

Betty is not a fan of Brussels sprouts,
which is a little surprising because
she likes most veggies and has even
tried going vegetarian several times
(her downfall is protein...she hates
pretty much all non-meat proteins).
This is an old picture and doesn't
involve vegetables, but is a pretty
fair representation of her NO face.

Then, several years ago, my boss (this was back when I could have the same boss for upwards of a year, as opposed to four in a single year) who told me his cats loved to eat Brussels sprouts. I've had cats since college and Lord knows, they are weird little creatures, but Brussels sprout eating seemed a little far over the cuckoo's nest, even for cats. This intrigued me.

Because I didn't want to commit to cooking something so sketchy from scratch, I bought frozen Brussels sprouts, and they weren't half bad...but not half good, either. Then, one fateful winter, my friend and I started frequenting Red Lobster and they offered roasted Brussels sprouts as a side dish.  On a whim, I tried them, and I was hooked.  When they fell off the seasonal menu, I had to take the plunge and start making them myself. Now, I use the fact that Bruce and I love Brussels sprouts and Eleanor and Mother will not openly complain about them as an excuse to fix them several times a month (silence implies consent, everybody knows that). Eventually, I figure I'll wind up feeding Mother all the Brussels sprouts she never fed me as a child.
BWAAA HAAA HAAA HAAA!

Anyway, none of the Internet quizzes probably even had Brussels sprouts as an option for your spirit vegetable, possibly because all the quiz takers would be all like, "I'm no troll booger!" and then rate the quiz one star and the quiz makers would cry. This saddens me, because I think Brussels sprouts have a lot to offer in the fake Internet psychology realm.

Congratulations! Your Spirit Vegetable is the Brussels Sprout

Trees of Deliciousness!

You are complex, layered, and frequently misunderstood. Your outer layers may be drab and slightly wilty, but those who take the time to peel off some layers will discover a freshness and zest that goes well with honey and a dash of balsamic vinegar. Some people may try to drown you in cheese and bacon--avoid them and let your natural beauty shine through. In the wrong environment, you can become bitter and cynical, but simple seasonings, sweetness, and about 45 minutes in a 425 degree oven make you magical!

Anyway, here's how I fix my Brussels sprouts. I found this recipe on Pintrest. I promise it's tasty, even if your spirit vegetable is squash!

ZUMVOLLEY UPDATE: While the Pandas had a very successful season, losing only two games, they lost in the second round of the tournament. Even during the tournament, spontaneous outbreaks of zumba would occur. Their name also evolved, from the Pandas, to the Orange Chicken Pandas, to the Orange Chicken Pandas with Sunburn, to ultimately, the Orange Chicken Pandas with Sunburn and Orange Crush, which made for some awkward team cheers. Betty even got better at serving, after I pointed out to her that the volleyball was the same general shape and size as her brother's head and, therefore, it would be a shame not to hit it harder. The team plans to reunite in the fall. May Zumvolley live FOREVER!